“Consider the Lobster” – Wallace
One cool October afternoon, I was told by my manager at work that I needed to head to the Dynasty clinic for a random drug analysis.* It is a strange feeling. Even though I knew that I had not taken any drugs, I was still concerned. Had I eaten anything recently that had poppy seeds? I took some ibuprofen last week; do I need to tell them? I wondered if my being picked was truly random, or if they had some reason for choosing me that I could not put my finger on. Regardless, my fear only served to heighten my awareness. I noticed a small box suspended on the wall in the waiting room. I nervously inspected the writing on the container; it was a comment box. The words “WE HOPE YOU HAVE A POSITIVE EXPERIENCE” were plastered there. I laughed. The lady called my name.
“Your comment box made me laugh,” I stated in an attempt to make the strange walk through the colorless halls bearable. She stared blankly at me. “I know I certainly don’t want a positive experience when I am going for a drug test,” I chuckled.
Again there remained that blankness about the nurse as she replied, “We accept negative feedback as well.” I realized that not all people are clever.
*According to company policy, employees can be drug tested for these reasons: pre-employment, reasonable suspicion, post-accident, post-rehabilitation, and random quarterly testing.